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New Year 2021

Happy New Year!! It’s a little late, but it’s still January.

I haven’t been consistent with my newsletters, and I apologize.  December was tough for me.  There were many unknowns and last minute changed plans.

My mom received an offer on her home in Bend over the Thanksgiving weekend.  I knew that December would be my last holiday in my parents’ home.  There is a lot of emotion around their beautiful log home.  I slept in that house before it had a roof, windows, and doors.  I was there for every step of the build.  I was vested, and those memories flooded over me. I feel close to my dad there, and the smell of sagebrush brings me peace.  If you know anything about me, you know that this place is my heaven on earth.

In early December, my mom and I were there decorating for Christmas. We put up three Christmas trees and a lot of lights.  It was as festive as I have ever seen it, and it was beautiful.

I went back on December 26th and spent a few days alone.  I wanted to have some alone time to walk the property and just take it all in.  I planned to move into my new journal and planner, find my word of the year, and dig deep into myself and what I want for the new year.  

None of that happened, I couldn’t get out of my head, and I ended up in a giant funk.  Most of this was due to my inability to pivot with change quickly.  I can make significant shifts with work, but I find it difficult when applying it to my personal life, especially when I am already working at a deficit dealing with a full year of COVID lockdowns. 

Once my mom got to the house, things were better.  My mom can make everything better.  We were able to enjoy our time and hike in the canyon.  Rob came on New Year’s eve. He made our usual prime rib dinner, which was as delicious as every other year.  

We left the decorations up through January 1st, but January 2nd was “go time”.  It was time to pack up her home.  I was okay during the packing, mostly because I couldn’t take time to think about what I was doing, I had a task, and I would complete it for her.  She was quite impressed with my skill, and I loved that I could show off.

My vacation was cut short by two days, I resented it, I’m not proud of the resentment, but I am honest.  You see, this is where I had to pivot and change.  I had to work around someone else’s schedule who could help my mom move items out of her house.  

My mom needed one person to manage the move; instead, she got four parties who thought their plans were the best, and they all implemented their strategies in tandem while never discussing what those plans were.  I had to bow out. I was just one more stressor for her, and I couldn’t do it to her.  Here is the thing, I was absolutely the best person to help her with the move, the best person who would listen and gently guide her to see why I had designed my implementation plan.  But to keep from adding stress to an already stressful situation, I backed off, and I left Bend.

My mom and I planned on spending the last weekend in the house together, camping like we did when my dad was alive before the house was finished.  That weekend would be this weekend. We are not doing it.

We aren’t able to spend the weekend there because, on January 9th, my cat Thurston had a stroke and a blood clot. He was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure.  The doctor gave him a 50/50 chance of survival, and we threw everything at it.  On January 10th, while waiting for the doctor to release him, I fell down my steps and fractured my ankle (the neck of the right talus and calcaneus).  I am non-weight bearing for 4-6 weeks.  Thurston is stable and making small gains. I feel blessed for every moment with him.

So why am I writing this?  I guess to let you know that we all have our challenges, and sometimes when you think it’s big and overwhelming, you’re hit with something much more extensive and even more overwhelming. Looking back at my challenges in December, they seem so petty compared to what I am faced with now.  I feel silly having spent any time being upset with something that wasn’t life-changing.  I will learn from this experience, I already have.  I look at my time loss in Bend was time gained with Thurston.  That’s a win!

Do you find yourself giving energy to things that don’t matter?  

I am resilient, and I know that when I get through this and I will be stronger.

Right now, my focus is Thurston, then myself.  

I still don’t know my word of the year; perhaps it’s change, or acceptance, or grace.  I wanted my word to be adventure, but this is not the adventure I am looking for.  I will let you know when I figure it out.  

I may not get to my word of the year blog, but I promise you that I will continue to pop into your inbox with nutrition and wellness tips through 2021.

Spread the Word!